a birthday post. or dear mom and dad.

I think a lot about how I want a pause button, maybe even a rewind, on Audrey’s quick life.  About how much I love her right now and want to hang on a little longer to each stage.  To her little jump-walk-step, to her telling me “Audrey’s happy,” to her free-toddler-spirit. To so much more, to love and happy memories being made.  But today I’ve found myself thinking a lot about growing up.  That seems quick too.

I spent some time earlier with my parents, which I decided is the perfect birthday activity, and we actually talked about time for a minute in a little driving conversation.  They told me it gets even faster than it seems right now.  And then I got home to find in my inbox “Your 23-month-old: Week 3.”  I’ve grown to hate those dumb email updates.  Another reminder of how fleeting her sacred childhood is.  But today, on this birthday of mine, it made me even a little more emotional than usual.  Today my emotions were not just as a mother reading the ticking title of her child’s passing months, but also as a daughter.  Because today my parents’ reminder for the day is- “Your 31-year-old.” The same age as Mom when they had me.

How does it happen so fast?

I still have these very crisp memories from my childhood.  Ones I hold dear and close to my heart.  Somehow they still feel fresh to me and yet they are the ones I’m trying recreate now for our own little one to take along.  I want a pause button.

Pause.  Birthday phone calls at 7:41am every year, really special parties with homemade stilts or my own pet pig.  Thousands of games of Guess Who, and big giggle-cookie giggles.  But now, I want a pause on the other side too.  Watching my own daughter walking holding my father’s finger.  Seeing my mom and dad as grandparents, interacting with her at the lunch table.  To being able to see the love you have for your children and understanding it all at the same time.  To wonderful memories and the chance to relive so many all over again in this new stage.

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