some things.

I don’t know if it’s because it’s almost her birthday month or what, but this week I have been quite down about so aware of how quickly the time passes, about how much I want to cling to the right now so bad and can’t.  (I can’t really explain it.)

I try to think back, a year ago right now.  And I remember it, I have lots of things written down and pictures, but I can’t actually remember remember it.  Like what it felt like exactly or just what Audrey was doing.  I hate that.  Because I know I loved it so much then and I swear I love it even more now, so I wonder, will I try to remember my now this time next year to find it’s slipped away too.  That it’s only recorded moments, some saved art and photos?  It kills me.  This whole mama thing is so emotional.  It’s so much more love than anyone could ever be prepared for.  I am hanging on to each day of it with all my might and still they are slipping away from me.  Sometimes it consumes me.

****

Today was good.

A few things that made it that way:

Jana and I got to talk for a solid 30 minutes this morning on my drive to Florence.  The good talking & understanding that helps my whole life work better. (see above)  I am so thankful to have someone to be sharing in this baby-raising/mama-learning with.  AND, she said to me some of the nicest words anyone has said in a while.  I feel the same way!

I ate a townhouse salad…and fries.

More nice words came my way, which were way more than that, more like years of prayers answered.  (More I can’t explain.  Sorry people, but know this blog is more for me.)

****

I think a lot about what kind of girl I want to raise.  What things are important to focus on and what’s not so much.  And I could spend hours talking about all of it.  But today I came up with the abridged version of my goals.  I want Audrey to love Jesus and to be aware of how the things she does affect the people around here.

“Be aware of your surroundings” -Lougenia Saleeby  (this means a lot more than what it is on the surface)  Thanks Mom!

****

Yesterday Audrey saw her friend Virginia tee tee in the potty and wear big girl panties.  It was the first thing out of her mouth this morning and all day.  “Audrey wear panties toooooo.” (the too really is that long.  it’s one of her new words this week.  somehow when they’re still new, they are a little more pronounced)

Also new this week:

“Audrey needs.”  It started as just Audrey needs, so I’d ask her “Audrey needs what?” Her response- “Sure.”  This is very challenging.  We had a break down in communication happening.

But today she figured it out at target.  “Audrey needs bubbles.”  There we go!!!

****

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights 
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we’d have faith to believe

‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights 
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It’s not our home

‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

-Blessings, Laura Story

I’ve heard these words lots but they really hit home with me last Sunday.


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