today i feel. not sad. but kinda down-ish i suppose. i could say it’s a monday thing. but mondays don’t really affect me that way anymore without a job job to go to. i think it is more about my ever too quickly changing baby.
i spent my first (um, fabulous) weekend away this weekend. it was 4 days and 3 nights. no time at all really. but somehow i skipped a beat or something. last night i said to audrey “i feel so out of touch with you.” it’s not like she changed so much or i really missed anything, but i have this weird mama sadness feeling. like
a realization another realization, of how fast this precious time is going. i hate it. i love every moment and i want more.
i don’t think her 18 month well checkup this morning helped this feeling that was already creeping in. she’s getting so big and doing so much and those appointments make it official-measurements, charts and milestones checked off. (clearly i am not saying i don’t want her to grow and learn like she is…i am thankful for that.) and always at those appointments i think back to the first ones. bringing my tiny girl there, worrying about each possible germ she could be breathing in, wondering if i was doing everything just right to take care of her, still figuring myself out in my new mommy role. and now, i take my big girl there, alone, with ease and confidence. so much has changed. it’s all so fast.
instead, i wanna be zach morris. i want to freeze time and think. i want more time to soak it in. to love the right-this-second a little longer.
sometime it gets the best of me. like today.
“Parenting, I’ve come to understand, is about loving my child today. Now. In fact, for any parent, anywhere, that’s all there is.“ ~Emily Rapp