a mason jar full of daffodils, strolling downtown to run an errand, the dream life of mine that involves more walking to where you need to go, train rides to write and read, lofts and public transportation, an envelope of pretty tape in the mail, getting settled into an anything book, cardigans, non-surprise surprises, march, a little tool to round the corners of my pages, teary eyes over tiny footprints almost a year later, josh ritter- right now lovin’ his music, audrey trying to put on my necklace, a good night’s sleep, chairs, plans for a home but not for a saturday night, understanding that you just have between some people, vintage christmas ornaments in february
Monthly Archives: February 2011
“You know when you have kids, if you have kids, there’s something you should know. Very confusing thing they don’t tell you. You see so much of yourself in them. You see your ironic take on the world. You see your smile, your walk, your sense of humor, whatever, and you think they’re you. But they’re not you. And they shouldn’t have all of your baggage, your fear, and your insecurity, and your life experience because that’s not fair. They have their own.
Your song is beautiful. It’s haunting and moving. And it’s so you. And that’s all I should’ve said the other night. I’m so proud and I’m so in awe of you and want you to just go out there and fly. You can fly.”
-Sarah to Amber, Parenthood
I find myself learning and taking note of my own Mama lessons and goals in the strangest of moments and places. I can thank Parenthood for this reminder.
Everyday is a chance to be a better person for her. I am so thankful for that.
This I have realized. Or maybe I was especially having one of those days yesterday. Because after I did a second post to add a couple more, I made another list on paper and took a picture of one of the things that was happening right then. And since I am in anything book limbo right now, the blog is getting them. (It has become a don’t forget list all in it’s own and a big huge organizational tool for my brain.) Maybe I could get these all together and do one scheduled update with them each week, like an every Tuesday thing. We know that’s not gonna happen. Here are two more: (for now)
Her smell. Even if it’s kind of stinky most of the time in it’s own way, I love when you get close close and breathe her in. There it is, an Audrey smell, that I hope I’ll get a little whiff of years from now and say ‘did you just smell her?’ Smells do that with me. I smell a Beasy smell a lot and on certain mornings can be taken back to the way the air smelled before elementary school. There’s wedding day too. But I like the more subtle ones, like a freshly cut piece of pine that is my Dad making something even if I am just in Lowe’s.
These first ‘big girl’ moments: Audrey sitting criss-cross on a pillow, even if it’s in a Yo Gabba Gabba coma. And the way she will lay down on her stomach sometimes lately and play with a toy or look at the tv. In these I can see the older Audrey to come, just as a little taste, and she is just as good as the Baby A I love so much.
How Audrey was practicing to be a tennis player one morning last week. Meaning, every little thing that she picked up or did was accompanied by a little grunt. “Uhhh. Pick up a letter. Uh. A block. Uh. A piece of fuzz from the rug. Uh. Stand up on the couch….” You would’ve thought a ladies tennis match was going on in here if you were listening from outside. She was working so hard, maybe on her game.
Swing squeals. With every swing back and forth she squeals out in delight letting us know just how much fun she is having. It is the sound of pure happiness. I never want to forget that sound.
“Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.” -Unknown