Monthly Archives: November 2010

The best!

Today I caught Audrey sucking on the door stop in her room.

She has become a bouncing baby.

We have this really annoying sheep Christmas ornament that sings, I means baaas, ‘We wish you a Merry Christmas.’  Frida paws it and Audrey bounces when we play it.

Last night we were feeding Audrey puffs.  She is using her little fingers to pinch them and pick them up these days.  It is funny to see her try to get them in her mouth because sometimes they stick to her hand and sometimes she just misses altogether.  She has her mouth open and ready before the puff gets to it.  I sat one close to her and instead of picking that one up, she just opened her mouth and ate it right off of the highchair tray.  A problem solver already.

She is standing up on things here and there now.  Sunday she stood up on the couch with Mark.  And she can crawl wherever she decides, which is usually across the whole house.

I want to be recording every moment of her right now.  8 months is really fun!

“I got the sock but I dropped the baby.” -Patz Fowle


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A new social low. Or inability to focus.

If I were a cartoon, as I tend to visualize my life sometimes, there would be a bubble floating above my head.  It would go with me everywhere that I moved.  It would look like three little circles leading up to a big circle that would have the words ‘she’s not really dumb, rude or this boring, just unable to pay attention due to baby’ inside of it.  It would be my disclaimer.  If you are not a mama, in fact if you are not a fairly new mama, you may not understand this cartoon scenario of my new social low, my inablilty to focus.  It is my reality and it drives me crazy.  I need that bubble.  I need people to understand it really isn’t me, well, or them.

For example, tonight I went to a little hot dog bon fire.  How fun right?  Except that I never added a thing to conversation or felt like I could really listen to any one else.  This is not me.

There was a girl there that I’d call a friend…a new friend with potential to be a much better friend.  Except the fact that again I asked about her siblings.  Again in the sense that the last time I was around her, I asked then too.  “How many brothers and sisters do you have?”  Oh my gosh.  I remember.  I already know.  Because apparently it is the only question I can ask.  My brain can’t seem to think while holding the baby or if I’m not holding her, wondering if she is too hot, too cold, whether or not the person that has her wants me to get her back, if she needs something to eat, more clothes on, if the ashes are going on her?  I have become this terrible non-listener with ADD.  I am a mother.  Why would you want to be friends with that?  I can’t even ask a new question.

So now I am wondering if this goes away with time?  Do you get your mind back?  Do you have something meaningful to add to a group again?  Something to talk about other than your children?  Will I ever get to listen again with a quiet mind?

All of this brings me to the dreaded question?  The great dividing wall of those that are in it right now and those that are out of it…’What have you been up to lately?’  It’s the new ‘What do you do for fun?’ of college.  Could I answer then honestly with an ‘oh you know, cutting out things, gluing them in my journal, and writing down stuff I want to remember?’ And now can I really say (because who wants to hear it) ‘well, today I cried because Audrey bit me while I was nursing her and it made me bleed, so then I cried more not because it hurt, which it did, but because maybe I have to quit breast feeding now which is the end of an era and it makes me so sad & emotional.”  Mmmm, I don’t think so.  So now to add to my social awkwardness, I just say ‘hanging out with Audrey.’ Which is not only a boring answer, but worse I may have become one of those people that have nothing to talk about but their children.  Oh my…what has happened to me?  I sure do need that bubble.

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just a little something

Just a little something that I love while I am thinking about it:

The baby going down for bedtime.  Not in the sense that finally a break is here, but like tonight and the bedtime routine on a night when it is just me and Audrey.

She drank her bottle (and held it herself) so I got to rub that sweet little belly and stare at her face that I can’t get enough of.  When she finished I brought her upstairs, rocked her and put her down.  And for the best ending to all of that, I listened in this quiet house as she talked herself to sleep tonight.

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ready already

I could not wait another day…

I have wanted to decorate for weeks now.  I’m like a retailer.  I could’ve started Christmas as soon as Halloween night was over.  I am so excited.  I have got the Christmas spirit and this year is so exciting.  It’s the baby, I know.  I am getting to live the season like a child.  Getting to make it special for her.

I want to have lights covering everything, music playing all day, cookies baking, to take trips to see the fabulously gaudy lights, to go caroling with hot drinks…  I am ready already.  I can’t wait to start the traditions that will be special to our family.  I couldn’t wait anymore.  I put up Audrey’s tree.  Originally I wanted this pink extravaganza-you know glittery with sparkles on top.  But after looking at ornaments, I opted for something a little more us.  I made yarn balls and used a quilt from Andy underneath.  I am happy with how it turned out.  But more than that, I was so happy to decorate it with Audrey and Mark right there together.  Tradition number one?  Maybe so.

Let’s get this season started…

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manual mode, goose egg, a monkey and a cold…

A few random things:

First:  As of today I have challenged myself to shoot in nothing but manual mode.  This relearning, effort and frustration will be well worth it.  I had gotten lazy.  I was shortcutting myself right out of being a photographer and out of the images I want.  And besides what better to keep my determination up, than a daily changing subject matter that I want to capture every moment of…

Second and third go together:  Audrey got her first goose egg.  Why?  Because she is a monkey. A fearless little climbing monkey.  She has decided that anything and everything is climbable-people, boxes, toys and tonight the side of the bathtub.  With the bathtub came the goose egg.  Just what we needed to add to slippery bath time, climbing.  She is all over the place, even in the tub, doing a crawl of sorts, grabbing the faucet and then trying to stand up on the side of the tub.  This resulted in a big forehead bump but surprisingly not in crying.  At least she is fearless and tough.  (Or maybe that is a terrible combination???)

Fourth:  As much as I hate Audrey feeling less than perfectly healthy, I have to admit I have been loving up her needy-ness.  Let me explain.  She has wanted to be held an extra lot over the past week and I have gladly welcomed that snuggling.  Granted some of it has been unsatisfied squriming paired with crying, but enough has been sweet sweet together time napping& relaxing in my arms with kisses and staring.  I don’t think I would trade anything (even a cold) for all the opportunity to gaze at and love on my precious girl.  It must be God’s way of getting Mama’s through the extra stress of taking care of a sick baby.  (Somehow just writing ‘sick baby’ almost makes me teary.  I am so thankful for such a healthy child everyday.  My wish is that all the little ones could be healthy, safe and loved.)

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My daily dose of cuteness:

Consonant of the day-Y, “ya ya ya ya yaaaaaaaa ya’s,” the way she will decide in the middle of a crawl to start going super fast- watching her do this and wondering what is going on in that little mind that makes her in a hurry, whole body scares-like when Frida jumps down from the couch-and Audrey jumps, her intrigue with a baby crying on the television, the little old lady gumming it face she makes when she’s eating, and still those whole body and leg stretches on the changing table…mmm, I love them so much!

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a little catching up…

Audrey starting to crawl for real yesterday.  Just out of the blue, there she was making her way across the room.  The day before she would only do 2 crawls before she would drop down to army creep, and the next day there was the real deal…little hands and knees moving like pros.  I’m amazed yet again.  (And of course I think that it is adorable.)

I was lucky enough to get some of it on video too.  What’s actually kind of funny (and maybe I shouldn’t tell) is that Frida’s red kong toy is what lured her the first time and then got her to travel time and time again to appease her fascinated Mama.  I couldn’t resist, at least while it was so brand new.  She loves that little hunk of plastic for some reason.  The toy sharing isn’t encouraged, but it also isn’t anything new around here.  It’s just gonna happen sometimes.

Also, on Saturday she started saying ‘Mama.’  Oh my heart could melt!  I’m mush.  A big puddle of Mama mush.  I don’t care what they say about it not meaning anything when they are so young…because to me Audrey is saying my name, telling me ‘I love you too.’

That night was Caleb’s 1st birthday party and on the ride home Audrey was so exhausted.  She cried.  And then she would cry and say Mama.  It sounded like this:  “WaaaaaaaaaaaaaMaMaaa.’  I didn’t know you could have a melted and broken heart in the same moment.  She wanted me but she was so upset.  My heart was torn.

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