“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.”
Me: So much to remember, Auddie.
Audrey: And so much to forget.
In that moment, our eyes met & I remember thinking this is what it is like to be struck by lightning, knowing I would never be untouched by him again.
-First Glance, Brian Andreas
You love to play. You love the water hose. You crawl all over the front yard. You use a funny knee up version on the grass. You love Audrey. You light up around her. You love dogs. You try to get Frida and Bells. You love the beach. You love baths and water. You love cooked carrots. You love being outside. You are busy. You are a climber. You snuggle your stuffed animals (hold them to your chest and lie down on them.) You love your paci. You find your thumb for backup. You are ticklish. You curl your tongue. You stand up holding on to everything. You cruise along holding on. You are starting to let go with one hand. You have curls in the back of your hair. You are all boy. You love to eat cheese and strawberries and drink water from my straw. You have one little bottom tooth poking through. You are happy. You cry huge when you are not. You have big hands. You wave bye-bye with your palm facing you. You can show us your tongue. You point to your nose, but really it’s just under it. You say bye bye and pup pup. You wear 12 month clothes, unless it’s the bottom, then you can wear tiny 3-6 month. You take 2 naps. You go to bed at 7:30. You weigh 19 pounds and 11 ounces. You feel solid. You are strong. You are tough. You get lots of bumps and bruises. You babble all the time. You are loud. You are serious and giggly. You love Skip to My Lou. You hate the car seat. You love strolls. You love your family. You are curious. You try to figure things out. You love to open and close doors. You are obsessed with plugs. You wake up happy. You love to watch Baby Mozart. You pat-a-cake and play peek-a-boo. You are so much fun. You are my best boy.
“I love these little people; and it is not a slight thing when they, who are so fresh from God, love us.”
Mother’s Day 2014, Audrey (4) and Jude (9 months)
Today is Mother’s Day. My fifth. But today was different with you here. Today I celebrated love multiplied. Love of a mother of more than one child. Love that you don’t realize can keep growing until is just does. You, my precious boy, showed me that love. Love that isn’t able to cap out. That is instant and deep and unconditional and ongoing. Love that doesn’t replace. I celebrate you today. For showing me the depths of love. For giving me a better glimpse into the love God has for me, his own child. You came into my world and grew my heart by about a million sizes. You are the exact thing I never even knew I needed.
Thanks for teaching me so much already. I’m so thankful to be your Mommy.